Happy Saturday!!
I know, I know that it's been forever since my last newsletter. Let's just say that I've been busy. Kind of. Well, I have. I need to stop being hard on myself and accept that being busy doesn't always entail doing lots of things. Sometimes it means taking time away for yourself and not doing anything at all, or focusing on a single task at hand and fulfilling that before moving on to something else.
Although, having said that —I have been working on book 4, my weekly blogs, marketing campaigns, one-to-one healing, creating online content for you all and something very special which I can't wait to share (if you read the subheading though, you already know).
How are you all this week anyway? I hope everything is going well at your end :)
My Week in a Nutshell
My last newsletter was really personal where I spoke about some unpleasant experiences that I had with a few friends. The situation itself wasn't bad. No one said anything mean or purposely did something to upset me.
But when I went home that day, I felt very horrible. I was feeling anxious and nervous. I thought that I was trapped in this situation and couldn't come through from it at all. And this triggered me further.
I spoke to you all about it and informed you about my decision to remove myself from them for a short while.
My decision didn't mean that I wouldn't be speaking to any of them, because individually they really do make me happy and I have a good time with them. And I've stayed in contact with them and check up on them whenever I can. I'm more than happy to see/speak to them alone but in a group setting it just doesn't cut it for me.
Rather than putting myself through a difficult situation, as well as dampening their mood because it's not like they'll have a good time if I look miserable —the ideal situation was for me to distance myself from them and take it easy for a little while.
I do love them, but my mental health was being negatively influenced and I didn't know what else to do.
That's why I did what was right for me in that situation —I told my friends that I wanted to prioritize my well-being and going out with them as a group was contravening with this. The reason why I did this is because I need to practice what I preach.
I can't give you all advice and impart my 'knowledge' on crucial life matters —such as when to put yourself first— without carrying out those very actions for myself.
You might think that me removing myself from the group in this way was too harsh. Perhaps it was. But doing the right thing is always difficult and honesty is sometimes hurtful. You can try to be as respectful and delicate as you're able to when you're delivering a harsh truth, but after a certain point it's out of your control and the other person will feel upset for a short while.
Sometimes the truth really is painful, but then keeping it inside is also a bad decision so you have to choose the lesser of the two evils and —in the long run— honesty is the better choice for everyone.
Anyway, without delving too much into the past again I'd like to give you all an update on how I'm doing now —I'm wonderful! I can't lie and say that separating myself from the group is suddenly detrimental and I feel lonely, upset and isolated, because I truly don't.
In that period, without having to worry too much about how to say 'no' the next time they ask me to go out —I can focus on other things. Such as putting effort into my other relationships and into myself.
I'm honestly having such a good time. These past few weeks have been the most nurturing and productive. I've done so much by focusing on one task at a time that I genuinely think I was more productive in the September than the whole of lockdown combined.
I've been going to cafes to continue editing 'Dear Self' —we're on the fourth (and final) draft now, I've been working hard on my art, on creating new content for you all and spending time with loved ones and I'm enjoying this growing, enriching and abundant life that I've been blessed with.
Since then I've done quite a lot.
I saw my cousin over for a belated birthday afternoon tea session (her birthday, not mine, although we're closer to mine than you think —it's on the 19th if you didn't already know haha). We went to this really cute café with gorgeous flowers as a backdrop and the most picturesque afternoon tea ever —as you can see in the photo (see what I did there, ehh, ehhhhh).
I saw my other cousin and aunt at their house and spent a great evening there. I spent lots of time with my own family and my little 5-year-old brother.
I also went over to my school friend's house for food and hot drinks and had the most wonderful catch-up ever. We laughed, giggled and shared lots of gossip.
I dedicated more hours to creating and writing and taking steps slowly towards my dreams. I've started an exciting new endeavour which I can't wait to share with you all!!
Over time I've realized that spending time alone with myself in cafes with a book/laptop/ my thoughts and nothing but myself for company is more therapeutic than any interaction that I have with other people. Well, most interactions (now, don't ask me which interactions are more therapeutic than writing for me because I won't tell you, haha).
Anyway, this experience and others have taught me how important it is to recognize negative patterns not just in romantic relationships but all your relationships.
I've noticed these red signals in a few of my relationships, and each time that I notice them —I remind myself that I need to do something about it. The old me invested too much of her invaluable time on people that didn't nurture her —all because she believed that she 'owed' it do them.
'They helped me out that day 6 months ago'
'Their heart is pure, even if their actions aren't'
'They mean good and have supported me when I needed them. So what if we're at odds with each other? I'll be their friend because I owe them that much'
This resulted in months and years of anguishing friendships that didn't bring me much joy. I mean, don't get me wrong —they were fun to be around but the bad times outweighed all the good times that we had together. And this should've served as a red signal.
Years of denying myself the freedom/comfort to say 'no' and remove myself from friendships that didn't serve me has resulted in me instantly distancing myself from people the moment that I feel uncomfortable. And if I'm unable to it in the beginning then over time the weight of doing what's right for me eventually burdens me to such an extent that if I don't lift it I can't breathe.
So, I'd like to believe that I'm someone who prioritizes herself. Her wishes. Her well-being. Her desires. And does what's right for her and those around her.
Of course, there's a healthy limit when you're putting yourself first and you shouldn't do it to the extent that it contravenes with what someone else deserves. But a rational person should be able to make that distinction and —if not— reflect on what went wrong and aim to deliver the blow gentler next time.
In the same way, I want you to prioritize yourself. If someone is bothering you, speak to them. If you're unhappy in your current friendship dynamic —try to problem-solve and if you can't then kindly remove yourself from the situation.
If your partner is hurting you, communicate it. If your siblings are causing you more anguish than normal (trust me, I've been there) try to be mature about it and tell them that they're pushing the boundaries and they need to stop. If anything at all is having a negative impact on your life —recognize it, individuate it and remove it.
Do what's right for you and it will naturally nourish a better emotional and mental bubble around you which will contribute to you building better relationships with others as well as yourself.
I know, I know —you were all waiting for when I'd get to this announcement!!!!
I'm so excited about this new journey that I'm taking on YouTube (subscribe here)! It's absolutely surreal. So many of you have constantly told me to make a YouTube channel and I've been putting it off because it's so scary to me.
I'm more comfortable with Instagram because it means that I can hide behind my words and not have to worry too much about being judged for my posture or manner of talking or anything else.
YouTube is a lot scarier.
I know that there will be more trolls (I haven't ever come across a single troll in my 4 years of Instagram), there will be judgments and so much more that I have to prepare myself for. But I also know that this is the right time because there is no such thing as a right time. Nothing ever happens when you stay in your comfort zone and I'm ready to take this risk and start a new adventure!
You all, of course, are the first to know about this. I'll be releasing the trailer next week for everyone else but you get to be the first ones to subscribe, watch and enjoy all the content that I share on there.
We will be taking this whole relationship a step further. There will be conversations about relationships (very specific relationship problems), there will be healing, positivity, growth. I will be giving you all tricks and tips on dealing with the various challenges in your lives. It will be amazing!
That's why I would absolutely love it if you subscribed to my YouTube Channel —click here! I can't wait to take this new adventure with you and take my purpose to the next level.
Grab my books from Amazon, Book Depository and more, below!
Thank you so much you beautiful humans for ordering all my books, it means the absolute world to me! Never, in my right mind, would I have envisioned that I would sell over 30,000 copies of my books in one year alone. You all have allowed me to fulfil my dreams in more than one way, and I can’t wait for the adventure ahead.
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Order My Hope For Tomorrow
Order Memories Unwound
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I love you all so, so much!